Dear Diary,

Only three more SOTU speeches to go. I hope I survive them.

There is so much on my mind this morning. I don't know where to begin. I hate to use the phrase that bitch Molly Ivins used for her book, but I believe I have been Bushwhacked. Not only by Bushie, but the Twins as well.

I guess I should begin with the Big Surprise. When I discovered yesterday that I had been given a new nickname, I had a brief moment of gladness. Anything is better than 'The Lump'. But I should have known better. Bushie began our morning ritual with the usual kidding around while I read the comic strips newspaper to him.

He started singing "When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way" and I thought we were going to watch "West Side Story" this weekend at Crawford while on our February vacation. This was NOT what he meant.

"Why, Lumpette, I am going to make you Lord of the Gangs. Well, Lady of the Gangs, I mean," he announced while posing in front of the mirror practicing his Napoleon-look.

"How positively low class, Bushie," I protested. "What on earth are you talking about? You're not thinking of having me join one of those silly women's groups, are you, like the Sweet Potato Queens or those brainless Red Hat Hussies? Are you?!"

"No, Lumpy, it's better than that. You're going to be the Leader of my Gang Intervention Program, a real Leader of the Pack. heh heh heh heh."

I hate it when he sniggers like that. I hateithateithateithateit!!!!

He strutted back and forth in front of the mirror, reminding me of those bantam roosters Grammy once kept out in the yard back home. "Yep, it's all my idea to get these street gangs reformed and thinking about how to serve their country. I call it Operation Gang Bang."

There are times when I do not believe there is enough Zoloft in the world to get me through the day.

But fortunately there was enough in my handbag to get me through the speech. I didn't realize until we got back to the Big House that Miss Safia Taleb al-Suhail yadda yadda yadda had gotten purple ink all over my dress when she hugged me. I will get back at Bushie for this. The next time Barney craps in his bedroom slippers, I'm not saying a word. He can just find out the hard way.

The worst part of the evening was when I realized the Twins weren't laughing at the ink on my dress. They were laughing at me. Jenna was positively in stitches, tears rolled down her flushed face.

"What's so funny?" I asked somewhat defensively, confused by their hysterics.

"Oh, mother! It's what Peter Jennings said during the speech," NotJenna managed between guffaws.

"Yea, Peter Jennings kept referring to where you and that dead soldier's mom and that Iraqi woman were sitting as the First Lady's Box. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Mom, we didn't even know you had a box! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Does Daddy know where your BOX is? HAHAHAHAHA!!!" Jenna laughed so hard, she tripped over Miss Beazley and landed on top of NotJenna in a most unlady-like sprawl.

The day will come when I will be able to say 4 simple words to these two hellions -- HE'S NOT YOUR FATHER. I wonder how funny they'll think THAT is. Huh? Huh?

I will have to deal with them later. It seems I may have a bigger fish to fry.

Yes, I saw Bushie kiss Joe Lieberman. And I saw the way he kissed him. I haven't been kissed like that since George found Jesus and got born again.

Hmmmm. What does Lieberman mean in German? Lover Boy?

Well, two can play at this game. Maybe Joe might like to sit in the First Lady's Box one evening. Maybe he just might!!!

I never give anyone hell. I just tell the truth. They think it is hell. --Harry Truman
www.someonetakethewheel.blogspot.com

just gotta....


I never give anyone hell. I just tell the truth. They think it is hell. --Harry Truman
www.someonetakethewheel.blogspot.com

Start a blog! You'd give Wankette a run for her money, for sure.

-as

21 guns, a box made of pine
A letter from the government, sealed and signed
Delivered Federal Express on your mother's doorstep. --Clutch, The Mob Goes Wild

http://www.blah3.com | http://www.takebackthemedia.com

I miss the hand script, but there's just SO much to say... You're channeling her better than ever!

~Write hard, die free.

Laura "vroom vroom" bush loves to t-bone people that make her mad.

Hey, what if Jenna breaks up with Henry Hager? Now there's a plot

it's more back room type stuff
An honest Republican?

Gosh, you guys, blush, blush. Gee Whiz, my own blog?

Seriously, I am so not-talented that if I had my own blog, I would break out in a rash every day and froth at the mouth.

Wankette is very talented with the written word. People like her can write every day with such freshness and intelligence, I just stand in awe.

In all sincerity, I couldn't write this Diary of Laura B. without your input. It is your posts, your information, your insights that inspire me. And I find humor to be a really nice interlude to this madness that we are enduring.

And besides, the Republicans deserve a really good thrashing on their own territory after what they've done to us. It's Open Season.

in fact, I hear it's quite easy.
About blogs - you don't HAVE to post daily. Just a place to collect your good stuff.

Well, look on the bright side, Laura B probably wouldn't update her own blog that frequently - she'd get her nanny to do it if it intruded on her lifestyle. So, all I'm saying is if she missed a day we'd cut her some slack.

As to ideas, a collaborative blog is probably not a bad form. In fact, I wonder how many blogs are written by a couple of people? What does it matter who writes these as long as they are entertaining?

I'm game. I'll get educated about blogs and let's see what happens.

I think I'll ask MonkeyFister to design a Seal for the First Lady of the United States. Perhaps it should be in pastels.

Part of the blog should be concerned with drafts of her book, "Desperate First Ladies". I've never watched the TV counterpart so someone needs to fill me in on what that's about. (Is it really all that good a show?)

And I TOTALLY push the idea of a website for the diary entries...


This stuff is too good to just keep here.

Damb, that's some funny stuff.

I'd be thrilled to help with illustrations when you get it started.


Thank you for a laugh that I REALLY needed, today!




Tony B.

Draft Code:


FALLUJAH IN PICTURES
HATE CRIME